Mastering Circumstance

Receiving my first stripe on January 21, 2025 from Professor Alexandre.

“If a man does not master his circumstances then he is bound to be mastered by them.”

― Amor Towles, A Gentleman in Moscow

Since starting jiu jitsu nearly five months ago, I’ve been injured four times.

First a strained rib. Then a knee to the head which bruised my eyeball, making it painful to look around for a week. Next was a tweaked and immobilized shoulder. And now I’m managing the beginnings of cauliflower ear which is making me look far more scary than I am competent at fighting.

My initial reaction to these injuries was that of a toddler given a toy-less timeout. Whining. Saying, to no one in particular, that it’s not fair. Murmuring “why me?”

Injuries, like sickness, take you out of your body. As a highly kinetic person, I need movement to feel like myself. Taking my training away feels like stripping a tree of its bark.

My sleep was restless the night after sustaining each injury. I couldn’t shut my brain off from pondering how long I’d be sidelined. Tossing in bed, I was mad at myself for getting hurt and upset I’d have to miss training sessions.

Upon waking, I had gained some emotional distance. I saw two paths. Continue feeling sorry for myself. Or step back and ask what each injury is trying to teach me.

The circumstance I was in, nursing injuries with uncertain recovery timelines, had no value on its own. Value is not inherent, it’s assigned entirely by us. And how I chose to relate to my situation was entirely up to me.

So rather than dwelling in my despair, I looked for the lessons in each injury. Doing so transformed my situation from the victim of unfortunate events to the master of my circumstance.

Events are meaningless on their own. Meaning lives in the story we tell ourselves about the situation we’re in.

And that choice is always ours.

With love,

P.S. What did I learn from these injuries? Here’s what I came up with in my journal:

• Be tougher.

• Press on despite momentary setbacks.

• There are always worse ways to suffer.

• Embrace challenge, struggle, and hardship.

• Sometimes the answer is to stop hammering and rest more.

• Hard times make you tougher and wiser if you deal with them right.

• Stop taking your health for granted. Be grateful each day you feel healthy and strong.

• Diversify your identity. Don’t allow your identity to become wrapped up in any one thing. Besides family, nothing matters that much.

• A strong mind and body bear suffering better. Stay healthy and condition your mind to be strong so you can handle adversity when it comes.

• Prevention is primary. You want to be active and train hard your whole life. Put yourself in your 60-year-old-you shoes, because that day is coming.

• Slow down, stop rushing the process of development, and enjoy the journey. The process is all there is. The road never ends.

P.P.S. None of these injuries kept me off the mats or out of the gym for more than four days at a time. I had to dial back the intensity, but I kept showing up to train as the injuries were healing.